Acceptable Risks
by amy.werner.794
Summary: This slightly AU story is set two weeks after the final scene in "The Wrong Way Home". This story addresses the question of how Lee might behave if he was still concerned that Amanda might reconcile with Joe. Scarecrow and Mrs King is the property of Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions. I have borrowed the characters for entertainment purposes only.
1. Chapter 1

Acceptable Risk, chapter 1

"How dare you do this to me? You're not a lone wolf anymore; we're supposed to be partners. What were you thinking", Amanda asked quietly knowing that she'd get no answer from Lee. She sat stiffly on a straight back chair in a small room in the ICU of Parker General Hospital; the only sounds in the room were coming from the machines that were tracking Lee's vital signs. She had insisted upon being allowed to sit with Lee the moment his doctor had told her that Lee's condition had stabilized enough to allow him to be moved from the recovery room.

Amanda was watching the rise and fall of Lee's chest intently and thinking about how little time she'd spent with him outside of work in the weeks since her ex-husband had returned to the states. Phillip and Jamie were happy to have their father back in their lives but he'd been gone for so long that they barely knew him. Amanda had been spending most of her time away from work with Joe and the boys in order to help them to get reacquainted with each other. Amanda was lost in her own thoughts and didn't realize that Billy had entered Lee's room until he was standing next to her.

"Amanda, how are you holding up", Billy asked as he was struck by the thought that he'd never seen Amanda looking so sad and frightened.

"I'm okay, sir, it's Lee that you should be worrying about. I keep hearing the doctor telling us that if Lee hadn't been found when he was; a few more minutes and he would have…he would have bled-", Amanda stopped because she couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"He could have but he didn't, Lee's a fighter, you have to concentrate on that instead of dwelling on what could have happened. I should have had more men on him; I shouldn't have believed him when he agreed that we'd handle this threat against him as a team." Amanda could see the regret in their section chief's eyes as he quickly glanced from Amanda to Lee and back. "I thought that Lee had learned that he doesn't have to handle everything on his own anymore", Billy concluded.

"Sir, may I ask you a question", Amanda inquired tentatively.

"Of course, what do you want to know?"

"Why didn't you tell me that Reynolds had threatened to kill Lee until after Lee ditched his Agency protective detail? I'm his partner; I had a right to know, how could I back him up if I didn't know that he was in danger?"

"You're right, Amanda, you did have a right to know and the last time I spoke to Lee he told me that he was going to brief you on the situation. An hour later I found out that he ditched the men I had watching his back and then when I spoke to you it was clear to me that Lee hadn't told you about Reynolds. Reynolds vendetta against Lee was very personal and I think Lee decided to handle it himself rather than putting any other agents at risk. Lee has always preferred to risk his own life rather than having agents who have families put at risk. I should have seen this coming", Billy said sadly. Billy watched as Amanda's expression changed from sadness to anger.

"Lee may not have a family in the traditional sense but he does have people who…who care about him more than he knows. He should have been thinking about them before he went out and almost got himself killed", Amanda said as she rubbed Lee's hand where it had been resting beneath her own hand. Billy remembered seeing Amanda take Lee's hand in her own when he had left them alone several hours earlier because he'd had to go back to the Agency once Lee's condition had stabilized.

"I couldn't agree with you more, Amanda. When Lee wakes up someone should tell him in no uncertain terms how deeply people feel about him and that he should start behaving accordingly", Billy advised Amanda with a warm smile on his face. Billy didn't doubt that Amanda would give Lee an earful the first chance that she got and he only hoped that Lee would realize what Amanda was trying to tell him even if she didn't spell out the depth of her feelings for him.


	2. Chapter 2

Acceptable Risks, chapter 2

It was approaching 3 AM when Rose, the senior NEST nurse on duty, got her first opportunity to go check on Lee Stetson. She'd recognized his name immediately when she had gone over the list of patients whose care she'd be supervising on her overnight shift. During the ten years that Rose had been working on the DC NEST team Lee had developed an unfortunate reputation with the staff. Rose charitably described patients like Lee as being a "challenge" to deal with.

Rose thrived on finding ways to deal with the most challenging patients so even though she now had enough seniority to assign Lee's care to one of her subordinates she elected to care for him personally. While striding purposefully down the quiet corridor towards his room Rose was struck by the thought that Mr. Stetson hadn't been injured this seriously since he'd begun to work with Mrs. King. _Mrs. King is such a kind and caring woman and she has the patience of a saint when it comes to dealing with Mr. Stetson. During all the years that I've been caring for Mr. Stetson it seems as if Mrs. King is the only person who comes to visit him_ _simply_ _because she cares about him. I wonder if he realizes_ _just_ _how much she cares._ Arriving at the door to Lee's room Rose wasn't surprised to see Amanda, fast asleep, with her upper body slumped over where she was holding one of Lee's hands.

Rose entered the room gingerly; hoping that she would be able to check Lee's vital signs and check the bandage that was covering his chest wound without waking the sleeping couple. As she reached out to wrap a blood pressure cuff around Lee's arm her ample hip brushed against the mattress causing it to move minimally. The slight movement was enough to wake Amanda from her fitful sleep. Amanda was visibly disappointed when she realized that Rose was the cause of the movement that had awoken her but she still managed to smile at the nurse that she recognized from past visits to Lee.

"Good morning, Mrs. King, I'm sorry to have woken you", Rose whispered as she motioned for Amanda to follow her away from the bed and out into the hall. Amanda followed Rose as quickly as her stiff and weary body would permit.

"Good morning, Rose, is it morning already", Amanda asked sleepily but continued speaking rather then wait for Rose's response. "It isn't your fault that I woke up; it's the mom in me, the slightest sounds from my boys still wake me and they aren't little anymore."

"I know what you mean; it's an instinct that we moms never lose. We always worry about the ones that we care about but sometimes we need to take care of ourselves too. How long have you been in that room? Have you eaten recently", Rose asked Amanda.

"I've been here since they got Lee settled into his room. I don't want to leave him alone; he's…um…he doesn't like hospitals", Amanda answered.

"I've noticed that", Rose replied with a smile as she noted that Amanda had stopped herself from saying that Lee was afraid of hospitals. "I understand why you want to stay with him but you need to eat something; if you don't take care of yourself you won't be able to remain strong for him. I need to complete my examination of Mr. Stetson and I expect you to go get something to eat. If you won't go to the cafeteria than I expect you to get something from the vending machine in the waiting room; go, that's an order from one caregiver to another", Rose said using the mom look that Amanda used so often on Lee.

"I'll go but I'm going to come right back", Amanda replied since she knew that Rose was right about the importance of keeping up her own strength. Amanda walked off to find the vending machine and Rose returned to Lee's room. Rose completed Lee's blood pressure check and took his pulse. When she began to move his hospital gown aside to check the bandage on his chest Lee started to stir. He opened his eyes; realized where he was and blurted out the first thought that came to his mind.

"Ah hell, another hospital room, I thought I'd bought it for sure this time", Lee said in his surliest tone.

"Better luck next time, Scarecrow", an exhausted and emotionally overwrought Amanda replied from the doorway and then walked off leaving a stunned Lee staring after her.


	3. Chapter 3

Acceptable Risks, chapter 3

When Rose moved Lee's hospital gown to the side so that she could examine the bandage over his chest wound he began to stir. Lee opened his eyes; realized where he was and blurted out the first thought that came to his mind.

"Ah hell, another hospital room, I thought I'd bought it for sure this time", Lee said in his surliest tone.

"Better luck next time, Scarecrow", an exhausted and emotionally overwrought Amanda replied from the doorway and then walked off leaving a stunned Lee staring after her.

"Amanda, come back here", Lee attempted to shout while trying to sit up in bed but he found that he didn't have the strength to do either. "I can't believe she's just getting here now to see me and then she takes off without even staying to visit", Lee groused.

"You've gone too far this time, Mr. Stetson, I don't usually speak to patients this way but I can't stand by and say nothing in this instance", Rose said to a petulant Lee. "Do you have any idea what time it is", she questioned Lee.

"No, I don't, what difference does that make? I'm sure that they must have brought me in here several hours ago and she's first showing up now", Lee responded.

"It's 3 AM and I was told that Mrs. King hadn't left your bedside since you were brought into this room this afternoon. A few minutes ago I insisted that she go get something to eat and she was only willing to go as far as the vending machine down the hall. She rushed back here in time to hear you complaining about not being dead; how do you think that made her feel", Rose demanded of a chastened Lee.

"I, I didn't mean for Amanda to hear that. I'd never intentionally upset her; she's-", Lee stopped himself from actually acknowledging his feelings for Amanda to a relative stranger. "Could you please see if Mrs. King stopped in the waiting area? I don't want her driving home when she's upset and exhausted", Lee asked Rose.

"I'll go check on Mrs. King but I expect you to lie still in the bed. I won't have you making your injury worse on my watch", Rose scolded Lee and then rushed off to try to catch up to Amanda. Rose spotted Amanda coming out of the ladies room at the end of the hall and as she got closer to her it became apparent that she'd been crying. "Mrs. King, can we sit down and talk for a few minutes", Rose asked when they were a few feet apart.

"Yes, I'd like that, there are so few people that I can talk to about Lee", Amanda responded as they walked over to two chairs in the empty waiting room. "You must think that I'm crazy; Lee's going to be okay and here I was crying."

"I don't think that you're crazy. You're involved with a man who can be extremely difficult to deal with", Rose said with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Lee and I aren't involved, we're good friends, he's not interested in me that way", Amanda explained as she blushed slightly. "I don't know why he's behaving this way; it's been a long time since he's acted so self destructively."

"I find that men are often at their most self destructive when they are afraid that they are going to lose something or someone that is terribly important to them. Does Mr. Stetson have any reason to feel that way", Rose asked. "Have there been any major changes in either of your lives recently?"

"I don't think anything major is going on in Lee's personal life. The last couple of weeks he has thrown himself into his work; he's talked to me about little else lately", Amanda observed.

"What about your life; anything change recently", Rose inquired.

"My ex-husband who'd been living and working abroad has moved back here. Our sons are happy that he's back but they aren't totally comfortable with him yet because he's been gone for so long. I've been spending most of my free time with them lately." _Is that what set Lee off? Could he really be more interested in me than he'll admit? He did seem very interested in why Joe and I broke up. I think I need to have a very blunt conversation with that man._ "Rose, I think that you may be on the right track about what's bothering Lee. Thank you for being so kind to both of us. I'm going to go have a talk with him if you think he's up to it."

"You can see him after the doctor gives him a quick exam. Don't let him give you any guff; he's put you through enough today", Rose said as she and Amanda stood up.

"He's the one that's going to get an earful if he almost got himself killed when he could have simply told me how he was feeling", Amanda said with new resolve.

Author's note: Stay tuned for Amanda's confrontation with Lee in the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

Acceptable Risks, chapter 4

Amanda had been somewhat relieved when Rose told her that she wouldn't be able to talk to Lee until after the doctor had examined him. She would have a few minutes to consider how she could get Lee to acknowledge the depth of his feelings for her without pushing him so hard that he would shut down on her emotionally. Amanda's initial relief turned to concern when twenty minutes had passed and the doctor was still in Lee's room so she decided to walk down to Lee's room and find out what was taking so long. The doctor exited Lee's room as Amanda was pressing herself against the wall outside the room in hopes of overhearing what was going on inside.

"Mrs. King, I'm very glad to see you", the doctor whispered as he gestured for Amanda to follow him several feet down the hall. "I've run into a complication with Mr. Stetson", he said with an anxious expression on his face.

"Oh my gosh", Amanda exclaimed, "Will he be okay?"

"That's entirely up to him and possibly you", the doctor said in a frustrated voice.

"I'm afraid I don't understand", Amanda said as her concern turned to confusion.

"Mr. Stetson is always a difficult patient but this time he is refusing to allow me to do a complete exam and he's refusing to answer my questions about how he's feeling. Mr. Stetson is refusing any medical care until he knows that you are safe and he can talk to you. Would you be willing to speak to him? Maybe you can reason with him?"

"Of course I'll speak to Lee and I will make sure that he cooperates with you and your staff. I'm sorry that you only see him when he's at his worst; Lee's not usually like this", Amanda replied.

"I'll take your word for that", the doctor responded doubtfully. "Will you speak to him now? I have to see other patients and then I'll come back to see Mr. Stetson in an hour or so."

"I'll talk to him right now and if it's alright with you I'll stay with him until you come back", Amanda said as they turned and walked back towards the door to Lee's room. The doctor kept walking and Amanda entered the room to find Lee lying in bed with his eyes shut but it was obvious to her that he wasn't asleep.

"I told you, no Amanda, no exam", Lee said sullenly while keeping his eyes tightly shut.

"Do you have any idea how childish that sounds", Amanda asked in her most motherly voice. Lee opened his eyes the moment he heard Amanda's voice.

"I'm really glad that you're back; are you okay", Lee asked solicitously.

"You're asking if I'm okay; you're the one with the gunshot wound. The doctor needs to examine you and you need to cooperate with the nurses. I'm going to stay here and make sure that you do. Any questions?"

"You can't stay here with me, it's after 3 AM, and you have a family at home. You belong with them; I can take care of myself", Lee replied with his Scarecrow expression firmly in place. _I wish I could let her stay but I'd better get used to being without her. It's just a matter of time before she tells me that she's going back to HIM._

"I can see what a good job you did taking care of yourself this afternoon; pardon me if I'm not impressed", Amanda threw back at him. Lee started to open his mouth to respond but Amanda put up her hand to silence him. "Be quiet, I'm not finished by a long shot; if you'll excuse the expression. I know what time it is and I also know that my family is fast asleep at home. I'm here with you because I want to be; you're very important to me", Amanda concluded.

"Really", Lee asked with a shy smile.

"Yes, really, why does that surprise you? You know that you are a very important part of my life", Amanda said in an effort to draw Lee out.

"I hoped that I was but now everything has changed", Lee answered sadly.

"What's changed that I'm not aware of", Amanda prodded further.

"Your ex is back", Lee declared in a tone that suggested that he thought that the answer was obvious.

"Yes, Joe's back, but what does that have to do with us", Amanda questioned.

"Us, what us, there's no us", Lee said brokenly. "Your ex wants you back. You two can reconcile; you'll be the family that you always wanted to be. It'll be great for you and your boys", Lee concluded.

"It sounds as if you've got my life all planned out. Do I have any say in what I'd like my future to be?"

"Sure you do; I just assumed that you would do what would be best for you and the kids. You've been given a second chance to have the life that you've always wanted", Lee replied.

"That sounds very logical except for one thing", Amanda said hoping that she was finally getting through to Lee.

"What one thing", Lee asked as he allowed himself to hope that maybe Amanda wasn't rushing back to Joe.

"I'm not in love with Joe anymore and while he may think that he's in love with me I know that he never loved the me that I want to be. I told Joe that I don't want to go back, I want to go forward, and I meant it."

"Are you sure; don't you want the happily ever after that every kid dreams of", Lee asked with a look of sadness in his eyes that Amanda had never seen before.

"I learned a long time ago that happily ever after is just for fairy tales. I want a happy future but I know now that life isn't as neat and orderly as it appears in children's stories. We don't plan who we are going to fall in love with; it just happens. It's up to each of us to decide what we're going to do when it happens to us. Does that make any sense to you", Amanda finished with a smile.

"I understand the concept but it sounds pretty risky to me. If you live that way you could get seriously hurt", Lee replied tentatively.

"If you weren't a risk taker you wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed now", Amanda challenged him.

"That's a different kind of risk. I can deal with the physical pain of getting shot; I don't want to live with any more heartache. Besides if I take these risks myself than the agents with families won't be at risk. I'm expendable."

"What right do you have to decide that you're expendable? Have you thought about how your death would affect the people that care about you", Amanda demanded.

"Well I'm sure that Billy and Francine would be sorry to see me go but they know that's the risk we all take. I'm sure the Colonel would assume that I brought it on myself somehow", Lee answered.

"What about me? Don't you think that your death would affect me? I was upset when you faked your death and we hardly knew each other then."

"I'm sure you'd be upset for awhile but you'd get over it. You could go back to your life the way it was before you met me. I hope you'd remember me fondly", Lee answered wistfully.

"Lee, I don't want to go back to my life the way that it was before I met you. I love my family but being a good mother and daughter isn't enough for me. I love the work that we do together, we're making a difference in the world, and I feel more alive then I've felt in years. And as for what I feel for you it runs a lot deeper than fondness; you're going to have to start dealing with that fact. Can you tell me that all you feel for me is fondness?"

"I've felt so much more for you than fondness for a very long time but I was afraid to admit that to myself. When I finally admitted it to myself I was afraid that if I pursued those feelings I'd loose you one way or another. It was a risk I didn't want to take; I don't want to live without you in my life", Lee finished as his eyes began to sting with unshed tears.

"You don't have to live without me; haven't you noticed by now that I'm tough to shake off", Amanda said as she reached out and took Lee's hand while a single tear streaked down her face. Neither one of them was willing to use the word love at that moment but they were both determined to take whatever risks were necessary to find out what a shared future would hold for them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Author's note: I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks to everyone who posted reviews or commented on the FB page. I appreciate your feedback very much.


End file.
